BREAKING NEWS: KSU-SPSU MERGER REVERSED

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Edit: This article was an April Fools’ joke.

Rumor: Effective January 2017, the SPSU-KSU merger will be reversed.

A source close to The Sting revealed this information to us just yesterday.

This may come as a bit of a shock: as a result of the overwhelming opposition to KSU buying out SPSU, the administration has devised a plan to strategically divide the two schools without disrupting students’ learning experience. The degree programs offered are expected to revert back to the 2013 catalogues each school had prior to the merger. Daniel Papp will still preside over both of the institutions, but the Marietta campus will change its branding to reflect the change. Yes, that’s right – the Marietta campus will once again be referred to as Southern Polytechnic State University!

An official (who wishes to remain anonymous) said, “Y’know, there were lots of concerns about the school losing its personality – its charm. Southern Poly has always prided itself on being a great proponent of geek culture and many students aren’t dealing with the changes well. A lot of people, primarily men, feel like their liberties are being encroached upon. In retrospect, it was just – it was a bad idea to integrate a tech school into a larger liberal arts school. It’s dangerous.

“Essentially, what this change is going to do is […] give SPSU its personality back. The sports teams, the clubs, student media… It’s all coming back as being – that’s to say, it’s all going to be about the Hornets at the Marietta campus again, instead of the Owls. It’s all coming back. We’re back. I couldn’t be happier.”

An official announcement is expected to be made at the conclusion of the Fall 2016 semester. Stay tuned for more details regarding the split; the announcement will cover changes in tuition, leadership, and in the degree programs offered at each university.

Edit: Strangely, the SPSU logo will still retain KSU’s colors from the merger. We’ve reached out to the administration to ask why this aesthetic choice was made, but we’ve yet to hear back.